it's the last day of my Saturn return


I started my Saturn return living in Washington Heights, in a relationship, and planting seeds for the concept of my book, and am finishing it a published author, single, and learning how to make pickled ginger in Dominican Republic. 

I'm writing this post today not out of fun and desire, but out of homework because I'll be damned if I let my Saturn Return come and go without praising it, and myself, and those around me, because wow I did that.

*Saturn return is a time when Saturn —the planet of structure and yes HOMEWORK— returns to the place where it was when you were born. Usually this happens around the ages of 27-29, for a period of a few years. I'm not an astrology expert, so I'm just going by what I understand from it. It is a time known for propping you into shape, ushering you into adulthood, and kicking your ass in the process.*

And this is my ode to mine. 

I honor the unlearning of so much bs. 

I honor the outgrowing so many expectations of who I am and who I was supposed to be. 

I honor the releases. 

I honor the nights when I wanted to die after experiencing some apocalyptic horrors [that I'm transforming into masterpieces]—and I don't mean 2020 apocalyptic. 

I honor the nights when I wanted to hide, make myself small. 

And also the nights when I wanted to be loud af —and I was. The nights when I cried in front of an audience as the first words of "Nunca serĂ© fina pero tampoco soy sencilla" bursted from my lips like bombs.

I honor the psychedelic trips and healing journeys. I honor the way spirit took me through endless dark nights of the soul to lead me to shedding any ounce of self doubt that I had left.

And I honor the receiving and the learning. 

I honor the falling in love with myself and with cooking and with taking care of my body and with listening and with tenderness. 

I honor the healing

i honor the healing

i honor the healing

I honor the coming back to myself.

I honor my ancestors and spirit guides.

I honor my mom and sister and madrina and aunts and brothers and two fathers.

I honor my wonderful nephew. 

I honor the self-mothering. 

I honor the friends, those who stayed and those who left their mark. 

I honor the inner child. 

I honor the mentors. 

I honor the arrival at self and knowing what it's like to live in my body. 

I honor the journey. 

I honor the woman I am now and who I'm still left to be. 

Whew. 

Anyway I just came back from the store where I bought white vinegar to store this ginger—wish me luck. 

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